The Black Table Syndrome

Disclaimer: This post is inspired by How to Rent a Negro, a hilariously satirical book about good intentioned but completely naive people who in an effort to broaden their own horizons, play into stereotypes and prejudice.

First, lets start with taking a look at your Facebook. Click on Friends and then scroll down your friends list starting at A, working all the way down to Z. Notice a pattern emerging? If not, you can stop reading here.

However, when examined closely you’ll probably see that the majority of your friends or co-workers share three or more things in common. Often these things are locale, age and race. I, myself am not immune to this categorization. When doing this exercise the majority of my “friends” on Facebook were of similar background. We can’t all possibly like the same kind of music and the same sports, can we? It’s creepy but true.

How did this happen? Surely, in the age of post-race America (sarcasm), we have progressed further than the “Black Table” in high school to a more collective and diverse peer group. The grim truth is, “The Black Table” still exists, as does the Jock Table, Popular Table and so on. And it isn’t just high school cafeterias where this is prevalent. Examine your own relationships, how diverse is your network, community, or place of employment? If everyone around you looks, sounds and thinks the same it is due time for you to expand your horizons.

Often times we are apprehensive about meeting new groups of people. This is the dilemma and plot in How to Rent a Negro. So frozen by fear and ignorance, people actually answered a fictitious ad that proposed to rent well-spoken African-Americans for parties, business events and social gatherings. Don’t let this fear paralyze you from creating organic relationships with others who don’t share your immediate background. Challenge yourself to try new things. Start by saying yes to the foreign, the strange and unfamiliar. As the old folks say, experience is the best teacher.

A Man and His Barber

Having just watched Good Hair, the Chris Rock  documentary on the $9billion black hair care industry, I began to think about my own relationship to this very complex system.  Being a man of color, the need for hair care products is minimal. Shampoo, Sportin' Waves pomade, Luster's Pink Moisturizer, and a brush to keep the waves flowing.  All tools in my grooming arsenal, easily replaceable and cheap. The biggest expense and most valuable is my barber. Whomever it may be at the time; a cousin, neighbor, co-worker, friend (and that one time in 7th grade, my mom), regardless the end result the experience is the same. I always leave the chair feeling better than when I sat down. 

It has been well documented that barbershops are pillars in the black community. Bastions for lively conversation on politics, sports, women, fashion, etc, part debate hall, part sanctuary.  I can't recall ever having a boring time at a barbershop. Where else can you find businessmen, politicians, street hustlers and athletes alongside  common folk on a Saturday morning? More important than the atmosphere of shops are the barbers themselves. 

I've gone through plenty of barbers for a number of reasons, be it money or time restraints, location, or quality of cut. But the one thing that remains the same is that barbers provide more than just grooming services. And today's gentleman can learn a thing or two from todays barbers. Many times barbers act as stand-in therapist, a listening ear for things you'd otherwise keep to yourself. Their non-judgmental insight allows for an exchange of information that we don't readily share with our spouses or friends. Not all barbers possess this trait as some are prone to gossip but you know the ones that are. As a gentleman, discretion is key.

Another trait that is common amongst barbers that should be adopted by todays gentleman is the ability to perform ones craft exceptionally and consistently.  As a barber you can't have an "off day" like an athlete who has a rough game. No, we hold our barbers accountable to provide a superior quality of service regardless of time or energy. And if you've had the same barber for any length of time you take notice that he/she delivers, all the time, every time. The gentleman should hold himself to such standards as well. 

So take a cue from the person you've consulted before every big life moment. You sought out their services prior to the first date with your future wife and before that dream job interview you landed. They haven't let you down yet and as 21st century gentleman you can utilize their traits of discretion and consistency as your own.

The Most Charming Man in the World

You've undoubtedly seen the Dos Equis commercials with a grey haired fellow whose lifestyle is so carefree, adventurous, and dangerous that he's been dubbed the Most Interesting Man in the World.

Surrounded by beautiful women, the Dos Equis man ends each commercial with a bit of gentlemanly advice.

What if I told you that such a man once existed. His name, Porfirio Rubirosa and his lifestyle is the stuff of legend.

Some gentlemen are scholars, others warriors, Porfirio Rubirosa was of a different breed. Meet the Playboy Gentleman.

Rubirosa, or Rubi to those in his inner circle, was a notorious playboy, dapper diplomat and nightlife personality. Without having ever held a real job, Rubirosa financed his jet setting lifestyle by seducing and wedding the world's richest women. His other interest included race car driving, treasure hunting and polo (the sport, not the brand).

The exploits of Rubi are plenty, and his charm irresistible to women. Honing his skills in Paris nightclubs while attending school, Porfirio returned to his native Dominican Republic to study law only to drop out soon after. The son of an army general , Porfirio used this connection to familiarize himself with the soon-to-be dictator "El Jefe" aka Rafael Trujillo. Taken by the young man's charisma, El Jefe appointed Rubirosa as a diplomat and ambassador. In a daring move that could have ended  his life Rubi successfully courted and wed Trujillo's daughter. This would be just the first of five wives.

With an insatiable appetite for new pleasures and thrills Porfirio soon grew bored of his current wife and set his sights on an even bigger catch. Thus came wife Number Two and soon after Number Three. Number Three proved to be the biggest catch of all, Doris Duke, heiress to a $100 million tobacco empire.

Able to speak five languages, fluent in three, and possessing impeccable manners, Rubirosa was a member in many elite circles. How many men can say they chased skirts with the Kennedy's and boozed it up with the Rat Pack?  After one exceptionally wild night out with the The Pack , Sammy Davis Jr., hungover and recovering the next morning saw the ever ready Rubirosa by the hotel bar looking refreshed as ever. When asked how he was still standing after such a crazy night Rubirosa calmly replied, "your job is to be an entertainer, my job is to be a playboy".

Always the opportunist and in need of financing after divorce from tobacco heiress Doris Duke, Rubi quickly wed his 4th wife, another deep pocketed heiress. Although his marriages to super-wealthy women suggest otherwise, Porfirio was not beyond having a rendezvous with a common girl.

His two criteria; she must be beautiful and a good lay.

Many women and even some men secretly hated Rubirosa. The ultimate hedonist, Rubirosa appeared to have it all. He led a decadent life without boundaries or consequences. International playboy or con man? Gentleman or gigolo? How could one man with such a checkered pass seduce, wed and discard women at will? Let's just say he had an "asset" that aided him in his conquest. Or as one of his victims remarked "the guy was hung like a.........

But as if often the case with individuals who live life in the fast lane, Porfirio died much like he lived. After a night of partying in Paris, Rubi took to the road and wrecked his car, dying in the crash. Even in death the guy had style, the car, a Ferrari.

Back to the Basics

One of the most common, if not the most popular New Years Resolution is to get in better shape. The gentleman is not immune to such goal setting as we should all be striving to improve our mind, body and soul. But with so many different workout programs and diets available its easy to get confused and even discouraged from starting a path to fitness.

When looking forward to make changes it is often a wise practice to look back to see what has been effective for others. Whether it be building muscle, losing fat, increasing strength or improving endurance there are some tried-and true methods that have worked for generations. No, these exercises aren't exotic and often don't involve the newest shiny machine in your gym. However, they should be the foundation of any workout program.

Say your New Years goal is to build mass and strength. Nothing beats The Big 3: Bench, Deadlifts and Squats. These 3 exercises release more testosterone than any bicep curl or piece of equipment could ever hope to.

As these old black and white photos of a young Arnold Schwarzenegger show, there's nothing groundbreaking about putting a bar on your shoulders, slapping on some plates and squatting. But that's what worked then and it still works now. The same principles can be applied outside the gym as well. Doing things "the old way" can be rewarding as it often takes practice and skill to master. Technology with all of its advancements has yet to mimmic human determination. The modern gentleman is no technophobe but understands the importance of utilizing lessons from the past in order to accomplish the goals of today.

What Makes a Gentleman?

There has been much discussion about the appearance of a modern day gentleman on this blog and elsewhere and rightfully so. The dapper appearance and savvy style have garnered much attention and admiration for decades. What isn't nearly discussed are the other facets of the gentleman character. Without any sort of conduct for behavior or purpose in life, a well-dressed man is just that, a well-dressed man, he is not however, a gentleman.

To be a gentleman, in both the historical sense and today, is to aspire to a greater manhood than the average man. Brad Miner in his book Compleat Gentleman: The Modern Man's Guide to Chivalry delves into this philosophy, bringing to light the main components that make up the gentleman.



First, Knights, with their code of honor, can be considered the first gentlemen. Their willingness to defend and if need be, die for the honor of country or fellow citizen is the bedrock of which the rest of gentlemanship is founded upon.

Second, make no mistake, the gentleman is a warrior but he is also a lover. The romantic gentleman was ahead of his time, positioning women as equals not subordinates. The gentleman also has a love of knowledge, which Miner equates to that of a monk. The monk also symbolises restraint, a characteristic that places the gentleman above whims of emotional outburst.

The 21st Century Gentleman isn't only concerned with fashion or style. To be so would be tacky and unbecoming. And while his appearance is the topic of many conversations, it is his deeds that create the most lasting impression.

21st Cent Gent Intelligence: The Art of the Wet Shave

While speaking with my grandfather during my previous trip back home the subject of shaving came up. I don't know how we got started on the topic, but I happened to mention that I always found it strange that he didn't shave like the rest of us. His tools were different, his technique more time consuming. As for the products he used, good luck finding them at Walgreens. He explained to me that he never could get with the "store bought" potions and lotions, and especially the cartridges and their 5 blade shaving heads. Nope, he rather use a brush to apply his shaving soap, a double edged safety razor, and maybe some Old Spice or Brut to complete the job. Talk about old school!

With a slew of interviews, conferences, and events to attend in the coming months I decided to give my grandad's method a try. I recently purchased a Merkur Double Edge Saftey Razor, a badger brush, a puck of Williams Shaving Soap and a tube of organic after shave by SheaMoisture.


Taking a try-till-perfected approach I discovered why the old man has remained true to this technique. Its simply a better quality shave. First, you're not putting all kinds of chemicals on your face, Williams Shave Soap has ten ingredients all of which I can pronounce. The brush lifts the hairs to the surface making them easier to cut. Three passes with the Merkur and you're good to go. Not to mention its cheaper. A pack of platinum coated blades costs $1.00 and will last you for months. Try getting that kind of mileage out of one those Gillette Fusion monstrosities.

Sometimes the modern gentleman must take cues from the past. Whether it be in courage, style or in this case grooming, there is much to be learned from those who have already traveled the road.

Sprezzatura

In a previous post I mentioned the death of swag. More than an overused term, swag has come to represent a cool demeanor, a stylish way of dress and a undeniably smooth approach to life. Think Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra or more recently James Bond in Casino Royale. So practiced yet so natural, they make the impossible look effortless. Swagger as we know it today actually has it roots in the 14th Century.


The Father of Sprezzatura

Coined sprezzatura by author Baldassare Castiglione, sprezzatura was characterized as "an easy facility in accomplishing difficult actions which hides the conscious effort that went into them."

Or simply put, a nonchalance in doing something as to make it appear effortless or without thought. A performance of sorts, and some have even go as far as say labeling it deception. Whatever your opinion its been long held that the consummate gentleman is a jack AND master of all trades.

Making the incredible appear innate undoubtedly takes skill and practice. Whatever you choose to excel in, be it athletics or dress, it must be accomplished with style and grace. No man is born possessing sprezzatura and that is the beauty of it. It is a learned art, perfected over time. The studied carelessness, or well-practiced naturalness should be a goal of every gentleman.


Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, Ali embodied sprezzatura.....his rehearsed lines appeared to come out of nowhere.